Monday, May 31, 2010
What a hell week was that?
After the incident i learnt my lesson.
It seems that it's not safe in my own house. Haix
What I have done to you?
I didnt bother you then why you do this to me?
Thanks friends for being there for me. My Kuku SK, Roshini, Mira and Nooraini for giving me the motivation to stay strong. without them i think i had fall back
Thanks to Kak Nor family for also being there for me
I'm in the verge of breaking down and giving up
But then i must went all this strongly as i promise myself to make my mum and the rest proud of me.
Expectation of me was high.
What if i cant make it through?
I get a C+ for one of the modules.
haix make me more sad
tomorrow i got 2 test.
die i haven even start studying..
| Breaking Down 8:40:00 PM
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Monday, May 24, 2010
I keep asking myself what is my purpose of continuing my studies
1st to prove my parents that i'm not stupid
2nd to get the highest qualifications so that i can support my parents and make them happy in future and get out from the financial problems
3rd to prove other people who have been looking down on me that it's not the end of my studying journey
Yea but then if i continue to slack my days through this 2 years do you think that i can graduate with a good result?
Haix!!
I just need motivation
Can you wake up redha?
Are you going to wake up when you start failing?
| Breaking Down 9:03:00 PM
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Sunday, May 23, 2010
8 more days for Ate to reach Singapore
Should i be feeling happy , sad or nothing?
Happy maybe it's good that i know she is safe
somehow can meet her up
somewhere
sometime when she is free.
Sad cant meet her often that i used to. miss the memories that i had with her
Nothing?
It's meaningless !!
I'm just tired
MIND
BODY &
SOUL
Haix
More ICA coming up
More stress
More sleepless night
More nightmare
| Breaking Down 11:13:00 PM
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Thursday, May 20, 2010
Yesterday marks the 1 month of school
Today my ICA for internet web
Unbelievable that i pass that test..
Ok shouldnt be too complacent but it should be the wake up call for me to start studying the rest of the modules.
See the seniors graduate for the past few days motivates me to work hard.
Yeah i will be like them graduating in 2 years time.
Yesterday was super tired and disastrous.
If ate was here, she wont let me suffer alone.
If ate was here, she wont let other people bully me.
That woman want to borrow money again from me
Too bad i reject her!! yea!!! that's the way!!!
What she thinks i'm a bank?
What she thinks she's the only one got problems?
Does she thinks i dont have any problems?
This kind of people also have..
Haiz
| Breaking Down 9:14:00 PM
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Monday, May 17, 2010
My 1st presentation in new school turns out right i think.
Ok not that perfect but then i feel soooo relieved after the speech
Not bad after all. Phew!!
The starting part i was a bit shaky but when my classmates give their support i was like hey they are not bad after all.
I thought they will despise me due to my boring speech.
Thanks BM03!! You all make my day =]
Even though i'm reading from my 'special paper'. Hahaha.
That 'special paper' just guiding me through and giving me confidence to talk. After the whole presentation , my tutor give us the feedback one by one.
She say that i can be improved . What that means? Bad or good?
She say that most probably no one failed.
Pray hard that i didnt fail.
| Breaking Down 7:42:00 PM
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It just so sad. Now i get bully and nobody wants to help me.
Last time when ate was here she will help me
16 more days for ate to be back to Singapore
Last time i used to countdown how many days for me to meet ate but then now it meaningless to as i will not get to meet her.
yeah maybe relieve that she is here at least can meet her somewhere
Got the feeling that we are drifting far apart.
Haiz
Later got presentation. 1st time present. Hopefully everything goes smoothly.
| Breaking Down 1:09:00 AM
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Thursday, May 13, 2010
Yesterday was the Graduation Ceremony.
There it goes
2 years of fun and memorable memories
First time we are strangers and now are like family
I will miss all the times that we all spent together in campus.
The happy, sad and stress moments.
BL rocks my world!!! You guys are the best!!!
Now maybe not fun anymore
Sad that none of my lecturers turn up for our last time there
Might be busy with lesson.
Shall meet them up soon
| Breaking Down 8:27:00 PM
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Tuesday, May 11, 2010
My heart is burning rite now.
Have a 'helper' also useless
What can this 'helper' do?
This 'helper good at spoiling things, losing things and daydreaming.
Isnt that a easy job?
Is not the 1st time it happens..
It happens many times and i just keep quiet.
No point arguing later people say i finding fault.
make mistakes and wont admit .( of course who will admit rite )
Easy to say than done..
Whatever la !!!!
Since this 'helper' come i've lost my privacy. I need to share my room with her.
It just so uncomfortable. This is what she repay back
'helper' do the required job also not complete might as well i did all by myself
Make me more angry
What am i suppose to answer to them?
Argh!!! Problem and more problem
| Breaking Down 8:27:00 PM
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Monday, May 10, 2010
Haiz it's monday again
Time for school.
Ok yesterday make some time to revise but in the end i snooze off in the middle
I dont know why i'm so tired
Today lesson is boring.
4 hours of tutorial but then it's like a lecture to me.
Aww i miss ATE now
1 1/2 more days to go for graduation.
I will miss my lecturers and my classmates.
2 years is so short but fun memories are kept..
Now regret not spending much time and fun with them.
Now is stress and more stress..
| Breaking Down 1:51:00 PM
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Saturday, May 8, 2010
Today marks 1 week ATE left me.
Haiz still feel the lost but then now i can accept that she's leaving
I have no choice but to move on
No point being sad
What SK say is true.
I must be happy for her and i need to learn to let her go.
She must be happy with her loved ones (not me of course because i always make her angry) hahahaha
Now i need to focus on my study..
When i'm gonna study?
Test is coming up soon
| Breaking Down 12:32:00 AM
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Thursday, May 6, 2010
It just pissed my day off!! Early in the morning mum ask me for my photocopy of I/C.
She say 'that woman' want to apply for some stupid subsidy or something.
Why must at this point of time?
Cant my parent sense something wrong? (maybe i think too much but then it's the fact. i'm scared that problems will rise again)
'She' want to help? Why the other time i need help 'she' sabotage me?
Yeah that's call 'help.' 'Very kind of her'
Cant Mum remember what 'she' did to the family and what 'she' did and say to me?( even though she did not say directly to me)
'She' look down on me.
I cant understand after all this while my parent can still trust her and believe what she says.
They just hypocrites!!!
I just cant give my say otherwise they will say me rude and disrespect.
I give up on them la!! They can do whatever they want.
But in the end, dont come and complain to me
| Breaking Down 10:10:00 AM
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Sunday, May 2, 2010
I break down into tears again.
I still cant accept that ATE is not here anymore.
Thinking that i cant meet her makes me more sad.
Furthermore everything i did reminds me of her.
Not even a week she left i feel that i missing something in my life
I dont know what to do to not to think about her.
Someone has replaced her and i cant accept that for this moment
ATE what should i do to forget about you
My motivation has gone.
I thought it will be start of something new but didnt expect it to be end this soon.
God please help me to be strong!!
| Breaking Down 10:50:00 PM
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Saturday, May 1, 2010
Today ATE left and i feel there's nothing left for.
The only thing left is my memories that i had with her for the past 1 year.
She is not coming back.
Why? Why cant she spent her 5 months here with me?
She is the greatest ATE that i ever met.
It just meaningless now..
Regret of not enjoying the days with her.
Everytime she ask me to do something i will say dont want.
I'm being a bad gerl. always rebel what she says.
Now i know how it feels to lost somebody that are nearest to you..
ATE take care of yourself. Thanks for everything.
Being there for me when i need someone.You understand how i feel. Now you are not here with me i dont know how my life is going to be like.
May you find happiness even though i'm suffering in pain trying to forget about you.
| Breaking Down 11:51:00 PM
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