Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Hi there
It has been awhile since I blog and I missing life so much
Like I'm living in the jungle and more worse like a prison in my own house
Life has been a mess for me ever since I stayed there (Glad that I'm outta from that hell! Seriously only God knows how I suffered there for months)
So much things happen without me knowing how to control
Due to that it brings shame and getting myself into trouble
All thanks to the "bitchy family" and I wont forget and forgive them on what they have done to us
All this while my instincts is just right about them
I have been hating them from the start and my Mum just cant believe me
And there it goes
If I knew..
Its too late now
Everything is ruin and I'm trying my best to rebuild my future that they have almost destroy
It is not an easy job
All the trauma and bad experiences sometimes comes to my dream to haunt me
I need to work extremely hard just to repay back all my friends' and relatives debts because of them
Damn it !
Haix
They must be having a party and have fun seeing us in this state
Its ok
God is there to repay on whatever they have done to us
Moving on with life
Now I'm glad that I'm holding full time and part time F&B job
It's not easy though to hold 2 jobs but what to do to meet the ends
Gotta go
Updating soon when I have the time!
| Breaking Down 1:45:00 PM
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Saturday, November 9, 2013
Ku Menangis membayangkan kenapa kejamnye diriku diperbuat begini
tiada apa lagi yang harus aku tangisi
Aku tak tahu apa salahku
Dan aku tak tahu di mana lagi harus ku mencari pertolongan
Till when?
Till when do I hold on to?
I have no strength to go on
When I thought everything will be alright it doesnt seem to
I feel like running away far from here
noone will ever understand me
I have nothing left
I just wish that all these that is happening is just a bad dream and not a reality but sadly I cant
I wonder if tomorrow will be a better day for me or not
Just have that fear of living in another day without anything
I know there's someone out there who suffered more than me by watching charity show on television
I wonder how they handle their situation and live on their daily lives
And me?
At this age, I need to think so much and carry the burden of my parent
A friend told me once, I should be grateful that I'm born to this world without my parent I cant see this world
At a second thought I wouldnt want to be born to this world just to suffer for my whole life
I can count how many happy days that I encounter during my upbringing with my family
Family?
Where are they when I need them?
None of them care about me
All they know just to hurt me
I dont know what mistakes I have done to them till I had to face all these
| Breaking Down 8:16:00 PM
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Friday, September 6, 2013
It has been awhile since I update my blog
Life has not been a good one ever since I moved to new house
Oh well
Moving on
Now I have a job which is good though
But its temporary one. If I were given the chance to stay,I won't
This is not what I wanted
I have come this far and all I work is out of my league. I don't want to waste another life of me to learn other stuff which I'm not interested in and think about it
It has been a challenging life which I'm trying so hard to overcome
Oh God
What have I done to my life?
I can't take it any longer
How I wish I can take a break somewhere, somehow
At this point of time positive power have been drained away from me
I need it back to give me strength to stand and continue to face the challenges ahead
Where do I find it?
I shall take a look in my inner soul
Somewhere peace I guess
I wanna my old self again
Please God give it back
| Breaking Down 3:36:00 PM
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Monday, June 24, 2013
Knowledge is powerful and can do many things with it
Human can choose whether to use it the right way or the wrong way
Mostly human choose to use it the wrong way and the bad way
They think they are powerful enough to change the world
They forget that who gave them the knowledge that they have gained
As usual because of revenge and unhappiness in their life, they tend to use this power that they had to destroy those people that they have revenge on
You don't have to repay the retribution by using the evil ways mind you because God is always there and you don't need to threaten me to change my ways
People say that I make faces when I'm unhappy
Tell me which people on this Earth will smile when they are unhappy?
Doesn't mean that I'm unhappy I'm angry all the time
Maybe I just need to be alone
Or I'm just tired thinking about my problems
If they don't know me well, so don't anyhow judge me and make lots of noise about my attitude
For all I know, I don't think I have any attitude problem
If I had, I don't think I had any friends at all
I'm not perfect but I try my best to be the best
I didn't believe all this kind of stuff but I know the existence of it
Due to that I had a great nightmare + the warm weather that haunts me till I cant fall asleep
Till when should I worry these things all the time?
I do something good people don't even see it but when something is not right, they will be the first to criticize me
If I had the right mind and I know I didn't offence anyone why should I be scared right?
From now on, I think I need to mirror myself 24 hours so that I won't offence anyone and make more enemies without me knowing
I know up there somehow God will look down and protect me even though I know I'm not an angel and a good person
Fasting month is coming and I hope I can fast with a peace of mind
Thank you God for protecting me all this while
For sure somehow someday I will be good
| Breaking Down 3:44:00 PM
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Monday, May 6, 2013
A sign of new beginning of my own life
I don't bother to think about my parents who thinks about themselves
One to the West and the other to the East
And me?
In the center of all the shit!
Sometimes I just think who am I to them
There is nothing to me
Me, books, God and "Him" that is all matters to me
Searching for jobs can give me a hard time
It has been 3 months after my last paper and yet I haven't get a proper job
It is very frustrating
I don't know what they are searching in me
Not as if I cant do any work and what more they want I have some working experience
Not as if I didn't work in whole entire life!
This is just ridiculous!
Till when I need to search and wait
All they want is Chinese speaking
Ouh come on! This is Singapore and not China
What is the use of taking English and need to pass in order to get diploma in the first place when at the end of the day most employers hiring Chinese speaking people?
Isn't that retard?
I don't know what to do
Feel like break down and give up everything
There so much thing that I need to think about
About this stupid family that forever giving me headache
Everything in my shoulders and not others
Yea this is called family when end up this individual on Earth (me) worrying so much for the future and not anyone else
Argh!
Sometimes I feel like running away from all these
Every night I lay on my bed thinking and planning for tomorrow
Will I ever get a job ?
Where do I find job?
All they think is the money in the bank that they wanted to quickly finish it up before it burns in the bank
Money ! Money ! Money ! is all the care about
As if they will die without seeing money
No point la have lots of money when all you have is emptiness
For now I don't even know what type of job I want to work
For sure I don't want to work in an office
I just want to find work that I really like because I want to commit this work till I retires and not changing job a few months
I feel like continuing studying in culinary school but then when thinking about the financial burden and the support from no one I think I cant go far I guess
Tell me what to do ?
I'm in the lost
| Breaking Down 2:11:00 PM
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Thursday, March 21, 2013
These people has nothing better to do is it?
They would rather make other people life miserable than seeing them happy
What is wrong with their brains?
These people that making life miserable is their own family members for goodness sake
Why they are doing these to us?
These are the people who don't even appreciate the kindness of our help
Like this proverb "Letting the dog away but end up getting bitten instead"
These people rather die in hell
Make sure they do and wont ever come back to heaven
I'm sure they wont!
Because they don't even deserve to stay in heaven
For me I believe in God and let God protect me
I don't wanna care about all this just to scare me
Ever since I live in this new house, life here has not been a pleasant journey
I don't know what went wrong
What for living in fear where I can choose to be enjoying life
That's the purpose of me in this Earth
To be able to enjoy life like the other human being
Not being afraid of what gonna happen next in life
Next..
A new beginning with a challenging of being a working youth
Finally a diploma graduate
Alhamdulilah
Gonna find work which I really like
Not really sure what kind of job that I like
I really do like to work in F&B industry but then the pay is really low and the working hours can really kill anyone
Haiz
How I wish that I can continue studying in other things such as Food Science or Psychology
I shall and I will
Insya allah one day
All I need to do now is to find good job to support me for the studies
I shall prove to all the people especially to those who belittle my ability to succeed
Better watch out guys!
| Breaking Down 4:57:00 PM
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Saturday, March 16, 2013
What's the point of trying to change when there are really doubt in the heart?
I'm not sure whether they are helping sincerely or is there anything behind the help?
People these days are used and not being loved
Like what I have learnt in my general studies which I enjoy the most
People are to be loved and things to be used ;
Not things to be loved and people are to be used
I guess these people takes things for granted
They didn't realized that people that they loved doesn't there all the time
When the people that they loved are gone forever they regretted
By the time, there's no point of regretting because they wont be back again
Thought of changing skin since it has been along time and somehow kinda boring with this skin but then really cant find suitable skin that I really like
I guess I will be using this skin till I found another nicer skin when I have the time and feel like changing it
Hmm
Result will be released soon
I really worry about the outcome
I wonder if I can graduate
Oh gosh !
Thinking about it makes me having a nightmare almost every night
God help me
| Breaking Down 7:58:00 PM
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