KeeP HoLdInG On ...

2012-02-11T11:29:00.002+08:00

Full shift is done
Now I need to go through half shift strongly
Meeting new people
With new character that I need to learn from them for 9 weeks
I missed my old team mates.
Huhu
I know not all supervisors is so kind like what I get previously
He really teaches me alot and I really appreciate it
Sometimes I just realized even though I know I'm an introvert person but at least I do have feelings too
It's better to keep quiet than to busybody in people's life
I love who I am
If they don't like just shut up
It's hard for them too to adapt the environment
Hiaz
Bored, tired with this family
I just need a peaceful life..

2012-01-13T20:35:00.000+08:00

Debt, debt and more debt
Why is it haunting me when I’m not the one who is in debt?
Troubled and more troubled
Why that “woman” can’t stop making trouble for this family
We had enough troubles to handle
So depressing thinking about these
Mum keep pestering me for more money
Like hello, does she ever think I had enough for myself before she asked?
No she didn’t!
Working like dogs to meet the end
I don’t even have my fully rest
Now even down with fever and flu, they can’t even let me have a rest in peace
Zzz
Can’t believe it
They just drive me crazy

2011-12-17T20:55:00.002+08:00

1 week has past
It has been a busy and tiring week
Didnt expect this to happen in the first week
All I need for now is to get some sleep and rest
Back to those times during ITE days whereby I'm busy with projects
Dont have time to take a break and rest
Only GOD knows what I went through
For the moment taking it slowly but it seems that I cant paced up
I'm just so tired..

2011-12-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

First day in TEP
Glad & grateful to be have a great team mates
Enthusiastic & easy-going
Lots to be learn
I don’t know how the journey is going for me
I hope it will be fine and smooth sailing journey
There’s a lot for me to worry & think about
I still got 8 more weeks to go.
First week has lots of things to be done
This is chaotic
God please help me to guide me through.

2011-12-01T21:18:00.000+08:00

Insomnia again!
What’s wrong with these people?
The past 2 days have not been able to get a peaceful sleep due to selfish people
Like seriously “that woman” can’t stop making trouble and all her “gang” come and “haunt” this house
End up making a nuisance in the middle of the night. Not only her, her kids too are annoying
Screaming like nobody business
Like hello, people here are trying to get some sleep and there they are making so much noise
If these to be continued, this is making me insane
When are they going to get out from this house?
Will they?
Or are they going to stuck with us for the rest of their lives?
Mum keep babbling about them
Why can’t she just say straight to her face rather than keep babbling here and there and end up frustrating herself?
Nah. I can’t be bothered about them
Chow

2011-11-22T15:47:00.002+08:00

My mind is at ease now
Everything is settle for the moment
Following with the flow
Back to our normal life
Worry and think too much I guess
1 more day to suffering
After that ban gan
Whoo!!
But then staying at home doing nothing doesnt make any difference
With all the screaming and shouting
I would rather go out and have a peace of mind
Ouh man what am I suppose to do?
If I always go out Mum will nag me to death
If I stay at home I will also die of madness
Argh!!
It's just a lose, lose situation

2011-11-20T11:44:00.002+08:00

Its bitter to swallow
Its hard and unbearable
But this is life
Forbidden Love with so much difference
I dont know how long this heart can survive to swallow everything in
God if this is my fate I accept it
My days seems to continue to darken as I found myself lost in the tunnel
I cant find the way out
This is my punishment that I must face all alone
There so much to be done
Cant take in anymore
I just need to have a break now but then this week is critical week for me
I dont know how to overcome this
Tears keep flowing without me noticing it
Feel that my mind and soul has flown away and left my body here suffering
Trying hard to distract myself but I cant
I shall let my body fly away too

2011-11-03T10:37:00.002+08:00

Why I feel there is a sudden change in someone?
Or is it just my feeling?
It has been 3 days now
It seems that I can see some of the true colours shining.
Hmm
Trying hard to keep this strong but I dont know much longer I can hold it
Friends where are you?
Feel so down at the moment
Feel wanna be all alone
Forget about my feelings and just make others happy?
Gonna distract myself alone now

2011-11-02T23:34:00.002+08:00

I have done my best on my part
I dont know what to do
I'm going crazy
Ouh gosh!!
Seriously why should I even bother in the first place
Be patience with myself
God please give me guidance through this darkness

2011-10-23T21:54:00.002+08:00

My world suddenly crushed just like that due to my own stupidity and ego
Somone hurt due to me
Regretful much
No matter how much I try to apologise it just make into hatred
Oh god!!
What have I done?
Please show me the way
A few more days to go and all this thing happening
Why must it be happening?
I get my retribution now
=[

2011-10-20T17:22:00.002+08:00

What's the meaning of life?
For 21 years, I didnt get a chance to make my own decision
Now dealing with feelings and my future life I also didnt get to have my own decision
Can anyone tell me when?
Becoz I'm sick and tired following all the plans that are being planned for me
All I did was either wrong or not in her expectation
Noone born perfect
Who is perfect?
I just dont understand why she hate so much about other race especially chinese?
It's all in the past?
Why she keep comparing?
I dont know what should I do to cheer myself up or to stop thinking about all this
Ouh well no matter what happens,I need to move on
Let fate take the place

2011-10-12T15:23:00.002+08:00

They started to talk back again
They were fine again
And its time to be "good again"
Hey mum, like seriously they didnt learnt their lesson
What will makes them learn their lesson?
Or even repent on their mistakes?
Hmm..
Ouh well these people wont repent till something bad really happened to themselves I guess
But you know what I dont really care about them
I'm happy being like this
Not talking much
Next week school reopen
Excited+ scared+ worried and everything
Ouh gosh that's fast.. =[

2011-10-06T00:15:00.002+08:00

I must be thinking about myself again
Am I hoping for more?
Depending on others
How selfish am I
But then..
The more I think the more complicated it is
To let go?
Sacrifice?
I can keep holding
But till when?
Everytime it hurts in silence
Maybe should let it be that way..
For now
Goodbye

2011-09-29T13:54:00.003+08:00

Isnt it too late to talk now Brother after what you have done?
God must be hearing my pain though till he start to talk to me yesterday
But then..
It just feel so awkward to talk and face him now
Ouh well if he wanna talk to me and still regard me as his sister I'm sure will forget about the past.
Bak peribahasa: Air dicincang tak kan putus
Anyway I did nothing wrong to him
Why should I be the one who give in to him?
Ending of September
How time flies!!
Soon school reopen and the cycle goes again
How bored isit??
Ouh well that's life for me

2011-09-22T23:18:00.002+08:00

After a day at my sis house,my soul seems to be in peace
It has been a long time
To have peace on my own
When I think back what really happens lately, it really teaches me to handle such a problem strongly
Everyone on this earth do have problems
They choose not to think much about it
Just let Nature took over the time and I'm sure it will heal by itself
No point of thinking when it just hurt
Ouh well I move on
Result is out
People might say my result is lousy
No future
But nobody knows how it feels to get such a result in the first place
To struggle soo much
Even though I get such a result, I'm grateful with what I get.
Its ok
People wont understand..
As long as I continue to do my work I'm sure I will get there one day even though it takes a longer time to reach.

2011-09-19T14:22:00.003+08:00

WITCH what more you want from me?
Not enough of you giving me troubles?
What I did to you till you want to do this to me?
I didnt disturb you and here you are disturbing me
Because of you, Brother is enemy with me
He is out of his mind just like you
He want to see me(his only little sister)to suffer just like her
Worse still to lose all her future just because of that WITCH
All my hard work that I put in.
Did he even know what I went through
I doubt he dont
If he does, he wont do this to me
At times like this, we should be bond together
But then..
He is the one who choose this path
I know in his mind he will say what for I had a sister but cant help at this point of time
Yes!!
I'm useless!!
Hopeless!!
But have you ever think where are you when I need your help then??
I did help you all the time but did you ever help me??
NOO!!
But do I ever complain?
NOO!!
I swallow all in and now it hurts
Did you know how sad it is??
We are drifted apart because of HER!!
AND I HATE HER MUCH!!
Its too late to think now
All I can say is all the best to you
Cause I cant be bothered anymore!!

2011-09-03T16:38:00.002+08:00

Sometimes human being just take everything for granted of what God gave to them
I guess I'm one of them
God give mouth to talk about good things
I say all the bad things which end up hurting other people feelings
True enough people will hurt you back
Karma
But then it hurts much..
All I can do is just cry inside
By myself
God give brain to think so that we can be a better person
But all I can think is to make sentence to hurt people
Ouh well I'm useless as it seems

2011-08-30T17:19:00.002+08:00

Kini aku pasrah dengan segalanya
Kepedihan ini masih terasa
Apakah salah ku
Apakah dosa ku
Tuhan berilah ku petunjuk mu
Dan redha dengan kehendak mu
Cukup kali ni kau menyakiti berulang kali
It hurts so much down inside
Feel so cheated
So all this while is just fake?
After what I have done?
I guess all the same
Its hard to find someone who is sincere enough
Ouh well I leave it to God to decide my fate
Tiada aku mengerti

2011-08-29T23:02:00.002+08:00

Tonight is eve of raya
Hiaz
It suppose to be together and be good
End up frustrated
I'm the useless one
But one day, you will be grateful of having me as a daugther.
Dont wanna spoil my mood talking about it
Salam hari raya to all my friends =]

2011-08-27T19:57:00.002+08:00

Nothing to be said
The more you say, the more it hurts
Argh!!
Going crazy in this house
All I did was to do my own things
You can say that I'm selfish
But you're the one who push me into this
I did all I can
But dont push me to the limit until I cant take it any longer

2011-08-24T20:19:00.002+08:00

It seems that I'm the one doing everything in this house
The climbing
The cleaning
Hiaz
Super tired!
Just wish that I can go out all I want and dont care about the house
By the way after all this while,"he"is back commenting my post
What a shock?
Feel like asking why do you even care to comment my post after what you have just did to me
Hurts to forget
But what to do..
Better to forget than to remember
Ouh well
I moved on with my life

2011-08-23T20:54:00.002+08:00

I thought that after exam I can relax for awhile before working but end up I need to do lots of things.
Furthermore, everyday is soo noisy with my niece and nephew shouting the whole day with "additional shouting" from their mum.
Frustration
Only God knows how I feel to stay in this house
The worse thing is that, I heard that my parents want them to stay together with us
Ouh come on!
Have your own future and backbone can?
Have big family and still want to stay in that small room
Go and shift to your own house for good sake man.
After that you want to shout or do what ever you want to do nobody want to stop you.
A few more days to Hari Raya..
Dont feel like celebrating
Not yet clean the house
Go out also wrong
At least I didnt ask her for money what?
Work so hard and all she know is to spend the bloody money like nobody business
Argh!!
Chowz

2011-07-29T18:02:00.002+08:00

Why?
This roller coaster feeling is here
Unstable mind and soul
Argh!!
Just hate it
At this point of time
I cant let my feelings take over my mind
I need to focus as exam is getting near and nearer
This is it!!
Whether I can make it through or that's the end of it
Ouh come on redha
Positive thinking!!
Distracted is all I can say
Dear mind please be kind and get back to my body and let me concentrate on what I'm suppose to do can?
Please dont wander around as if you are in the lost state..

2011-07-26T16:28:00.002+08:00

Irritating!!
Early in the morning she already asked me for money
What the hell!!
Like hello all you know is asked for money!!
Did you ever think about whether I have enough for myself?
For all my expenses?
NOO!!! NOO AT ALL!!
Because of that I forgo my cruise so that I can save more money
But all she knows is asked for more
I informed her that I need to give her less this month
You know what she say?
Give me normal amount la
I need to pay something
She forever not enough
Then what?
I don't need to spend anything?
I don't need to pay all my bills
All she does is pay my travelling expenses?
Might as well I pay everything for myself and don't even need to give her my pay money right!!
For her information, I'm not supporting this bloody family yet
I'm just a student
I'M STRUGGLING REAL HARD TO SAVE THE MONEY!!!
Maybe I just too kind uh to give half of my salary to her.( Not half almost everything and I can't even enjoy the money. All I get is the tiring, pain and suffering. Thanks eh)
Fair enough?
Now I stopping work for the moment and I wonder how I'm suppose to survive
Luckily it is fasting month soon at least I can save some money.

2011-07-21T21:13:00.002+08:00

Words are such an evil monsters.
Should keep quiet rather than speak up
That's the reason why I like to keep to myself as I'm scared to hurt someone's feeling
I just did that!!
It feels like thousand of cuts cutting through my heart.
Slashing
I hate myself for that now
I can't forgive myself
It is the worst feeling ever
ouh gosh please be strong redha!!
I know I can face this obstacles strongly

2011-07-19T22:33:00.002+08:00

Ouh gosh exam is here again
Gonna start studying really soon
Must get motivated
Left with 2 more projects and that's it for the semester
Stop procrastinating and stop doing
Focus Redha

2011-07-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

The talk just now just make ponder for the moment
Even though its for awhile but didn't regret of going
It has been awhile since I attend motivational talk
This talk was held at the right time since I really need a motivation at this point of time
Hmm..
What is the meaning of Life?
Who am I?
Watching netball just reminds me of the old days
They days get I always get scolded from seniors and coach
Where at one point of time I wanna quit but in the end I stay on
The suffering and pain is just pay off(even though never win any trophy)
But to get to play for 7 years and present the school is just a honour to me
The curiousity of what is netball when I'm 12 years old is being answered by experience it by myself. How cool is that??
Now I'm gonna miss playing netball badly..

2011-07-02T16:06:00.002+08:00

This is so awesome. Blogging using my phone for the 1st time.
Whoo!!
Thanks cuzzie for telling me this.
I'm noob in technolog
haha

2011-06-28T22:57:00.002+08:00

I realised what happens to me now.
I don't care about the Director's List anymore
I don't care about scoring GPA of 4.
All I care is to get my diploma at the end of the day
Coz there are someone out there who give me this second chance to be here
Yea it hurts when you try so hard and end up failing or not getting what you want
I'm not born to be perfect
I don't want to be either
I just want to be the old redha where by I'm free to do what I want
I faced these failures all the times but never I lose hope on it
But hey when I think back all these failures is just a set back for me.
To bring down my spirit of going on.
After the "wanna be alone time" just now, my mind is thinking why I feel this way?
I just forget where I come from
I'm not from the rich family
I came here also someone sponser but then I just let them down if I continue to be this way
Giving up hope
Being selfish uh
Now I realised it's ok of people around me look down on me
But I know who I am
I'm gonna try the best that I can do
The rest I leave it up to HIM to decide..
Even though I almost teared,I feel soo much relieved.
My shoulders seems to be lighter now
I think the responsibility that I have shouldered since the 1st day in school has just been lifted up.
I need and I'm gonna change the way it has been.
I'm not gonna let you guys down no more
I hope it's not too late now

2011-06-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

1st day of school reopen.
I'm losing the battle
Demolished
Dishearten is all I can say
Today got back the SCM paper
Shattered pieces
The result is not that bad
I just scrap through
I can't imagine getting all the results one by one this week
Seeing all merely pass and maybe fail
Don't know what else to motivate myself & look at the bright side
On the way home I'm asking this to myself
What is happening to me?
Why it turned this way?
Am I demanding for more?
Am I pushing myself too hard?
Still finding my soul
Hope is just what I need now
Help me to pull through this strongly

2011-06-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

It is so disheartening my dear phone which has been with me for 4 years has gone
It cant be replaced or repaired
It really "sick & can't get well again"
Argh!!
Only god knows how my heart feel
I know people will say it is just a phone
Just buy a new phone
Since it's time for you to change your phone
Easy said than to be done
No money
No talk
Anyway,the phone has go through ups and downs with me
The memories
How sentimental I am uh
Treasure every thing that I had
I guess I understand how much that phone worth to me
I still remember the first time I had that phone
I need to pay an expensive plan just to get that phone
Until now, the plan ended and so does the phone..
Moving on
What is alive will be dead.
Goodbye my dear phone =[

2011-06-20T23:18:00.000+08:00

I guess silence is better for now
I’m just tired of fighting
Can you tell me whether it is a big & huge mistake that a human being is always thinking?
I just can’t understand what is wrong with me thinking.
It is me who is thinking & it doesn’t even bother anyone.
I just need to have some inspiration and thinking also can’t is it?
Bosan!! Hidup ni
Think too much also wrong
Don’t think also wrong
Then what you want me to do?
I’m just so frustrated & sad.
I just want to be alone for the moment can?

2011-06-13T20:17:00.002+08:00

The beginning week of holiday just started and I just faced a lot of obstacle today
If human being is sick, what will we do?
To visit the doctor
If hand phone is spoil?
Send it to the hand phone for service
If machine break down?
Worried and do nothing about it
That was what I’m facing now
One moment the machine was okay
Happily inserted my book when suddenly the machine show “This machine is temporarily out of service“ and I was shocked
Loss of words
The machine just “ate” my bank book.
It was a panicked situation and I don’t know what to do
Luckily having studied a little bit of banking, by some means know what to expect and do
I called the customer service and it took for awhile that they picked up the phone.
After hearing what he says it relieves a bit even though I still stunned by the incident
Now I got the fear to use the machine.
Convenience to use
But what if it is jammed yet again this time in the middle of night?
Conclusion is not to believe these advanced technology fully..
Yet again I’m down with my luck
1 point away
Makes a lot of difference to me
I thought that I can pass this test but then...
The hope is just gone
Finding the reason why I get into this way
My brother and father asked me not to give up
I’m just so disappointed
Even though I know I do fail in life for many times but then I don’t know why the feeling is just like it’s the end
I guess I put too much hope so that I can pass this test and finally move on
I guess I need more patience then...
Yes I will...
This is it!!
I’m going to trample this test...
Happy to make someone smile even though deep inside I’m sad and no one’s know it
I found it...
I push hard on myself so that I can fulfill the pressure on my shoulder
Another bad news that I received, argh don’t feel like talking about it
Just spoil my mood.
I don’t want to trust anyone...
It is easy for me to trust
To care & concern
To love people
But once the people break it
That’s the end of it
Then let me face it alone since the people that I trust just backstabbed me.
To the people out there who like to backstabbed people, please stop hurting other people’s feeling as you don’t know when you will be backstabbed by other people.
Have fun backstabbing & the feelling of being backstabbed...

2011-06-10T14:09:00.002+08:00

Finally the term break is here
Haiz
Projects and projects is haunting my mind
I can’t have a breather.
The feeling is here again
Each time I try to defence the wall, it just topple to pieces
Lately my mind is twirling with all sort of questions which is unanswerable
I’m finding the emptiness in my heart
Ouh how it hurts when I keep thinking about it
But I know I can’t control everything in this world
Trying super hard to overcome this fear
I’ll never let my fears conquer me because I know in my heart what I can be
Keep holding on
No matter how hard it is to keep holding on,
I will hang in there till the end

2011-06-05T21:17:00.002+08:00

Have you ever think about my feelings?
How you ever think how much stress and the pain that I went through?
Selfish and self centered are just what you are
I just wonder if one day I were to go from this world will you be sad
Everytime you just annoyed me
Everytime I try to build my confidence there you're destroying everything
Each time my tears rolled when I think about it
The pain
The sorrow that I went through
You dont even care
Pushing harder is all I can
But I dont know how long this body can push it through
Blocking nose is on the way
I feel so agitated
Argh!!
I guess gonna get to sleep

2011-06-02T22:44:00.002+08:00

The feeling is soo great when you found it
I found you.
I wont never let you go
I just hope that Mum allows it
It would be better then.
Term break is coming
Looking forward but at the same time I dont want to do my project
Here comes all the report and projects haunting me during my term break
Ouh man!!!
Gonna chong for that

2011-05-30T21:24:00.002+08:00

Everything seems not right
I dont know what went missing in my life
I feel there is something missing in my soul and I'm still searching for it
How I changed to this girl now?
Is it the surrounding that I turned this way?
The people that I miss badly?
Ouh well I'm trying badly to change the old Redha
The one who is hardwoking and excel in her studies
But it's hard though
The negative thoughts that keep playing in my mind
Lack of confidence in myself is just the key problem
Argh!!!
This is frustrating
Where is my confidence run to?
Too tired?
Too much sleep?
Daydreaming?
What is wrong with me??
Is it that I have lost interest in studying?
That's why no matter how hard I try to study I just dont get the concept
I just need you now

2011-05-24T19:58:00.002+08:00

A stupid mistake that I shouldnt do and I regret it badly
I just wish that I didnt say all these things and digging my own grave
I just realised that I didnt cherish and treasure the ones that I loved
Maybe forgetting about them who have been there for me when I need them
I'm struggling with my modules now
ICA is around the corner and it's seem that I cant focus and concentrate
Report and report is on my way..
Ouh gosh
I dont know what to do

2011-05-11T15:38:00.002+08:00

Didnt expect doing project on Nokia is tough
Argh!!
Struggling to do this project
Sad and jealous as other lecture friends of mine their tutor have not yet brief them on their project
But mine the 1st lesson already talk about project
How sian isnt it?
Next week I need to submit and present on my project
Ouh gosh
Furthermore dont have any guideline for me to follow and end up lost in my way
In the first place I do lost my way in this module
It is broad
Too much information that need to be find and it is linked here and there
The worst thing is that I'm not good in researching for the information
Taking donkey years to reasearch in a particular thing
Hiaz
I'm so gonna chong for this project for this few days.
Hopefully it better pays off my pain

2011-05-03T19:27:00.002+08:00

2nd week of school
Next week I has dateline for one of my project
Ouh gosh not prepare anyting
Feel so tired
My books is unreadable
After that day,
I just realised that people change
It is just so sad that the people that you are close with changes to a stranger that I didnt know
Ouh well
Up to the individual
All I can do is to pray for the safety for all my loved ones

2011-04-27T19:10:00.002+08:00

Projects and tons of projects are in my way now
It just the 1st week of school and projects are here to haunt me
Argh!!!!
3 more weeks and I had my 1st project to be submitted and a presentation to be presented
Ouh gosh..
That was super scary
Give me break man!!
But I guess time manangement and planning is the key to everything
Hmm..
I shall start my research soon so that I can do everything else
This journey is getting interesting here
I dont know where it will lead me to.
The hardworking and serious girl?
The hardworking,fun and crazy happy go lucky girl?
I guess I will choose the 2nd option
Happy go lucky girl is what I am
It's good to make people smile with my jokes though
Smile always =]

2011-04-25T17:50:00.002+08:00

Today 1st day of year 2.
Life has change since I'm being a loner now
I guess I need to adapt to the new environment once again
Classmates not that friendly
I guess this is being the 1st day
Hmm
The feeling is just not right
I dont know what I'm fear with
Presentation?
Lonely?
Peer pressure?
It's just not the same again
The feeling of enjoying going to school
Looking forward to go school so that I can be with my friends but now all that no more
The only thing that I'm looking forward is going home
I just hate this feeling of being weird
Furthermore, these people at home is getting too much and getting comfortable here
Mum just spolit them more by taking care of their children
She should just heck care with them since she is in this state
If they got brains, they wont do that to Mum
Another problem of mine is that I become of "loan shark" to someone
This people keep pestering me for money
Like hello!!
Do you have any brain??
Do I look a DBS bank to you??
Wait I grow money plant then I will give you.
For now just stop pestering me and give me more problems
My problems that I facing is enough for me to go berserk..
Gotta go
Getting ready for a test

2011-04-24T11:40:00.002+08:00

What's wrong with these people at home?
Each and everyone of them.
Just selfish and mind their own business
While me??
I'm just so stress with them
Screaming and shouting their lungs out like crazy human
I also want to scream like them too coz I had enough
People just doesnt reply my messages when I need them the most
Why?
Where are they?
My heart just thumping hard
Feel like there's something bad that gonna happen
I dont even know why
Ahh.. Maybe my mind is going wild
1 more day school reopening
Dont look forward to that day.
I feel my body seems to be weak
I guess too much of resting
Hahaha
Should I take the opportunity back again?
Wont the memories haunt me?
If I dont take the opportunity, they might say that I dont know how to repay kindness
But then..
Why is it hard to make decision?
God please answer all my unanswered questions that I couldnt find
Let it be the last
So that I wont regret having this decision

2011-04-20T15:09:00.003+08:00

I'm so shattered
It's just so hurting
Feel so cheated
How could they just dash my dreams like that??
If I know it turns this way,I didnt change my GSM in the 1st place
Damn irritating!!
Waste my bloody time!!
Another problem in this stupid house
Like hello if you want to make enemy in this bloody house,can you please leave and go back to your house
Dont make trouble in this house of mine
If you think we like to complain by all means leave this place
coz we had enough of your attitude
My parents and I will be glad so that we have a peaceful house again
Where I can study in peace without any disturbance
Headache and more headache
Dear body please adapt to new environment as you wont be that busy and tired anymore
I'm giving you a break
Be kind to me and recover soon alright
School is reopening in 4 more days
So I need you to be ok

2011-04-18T20:15:00.002+08:00

All you care about is MONEY,MONEY and MONEY!!!!
Am I bank to you???
Is not that I stingy or something
But I'm not a FULL TIME EMPLOYEE mind you!!
I'M A FULL TIME STUDENT and because of you I need to find bloody job!!!!
You asked me to focus on my studies and quit my job
Who gonna support me??
Who gonna pay for my bills??
Who gonna give me money for my expenses??
I'm the one!!!
I'm the one who need to pay for everything!!
My savings keep draining out but do you care???
Of course not
Because I'm the one who is working super hard for the money
Got to go and have some rest after 1 night of shivering

2011-04-16T19:03:00.002+08:00

My 1st weekend off was awesome
Got to stay at home most of the time
1 more week for school reopening
Ouh yea
Gonna spend my holidays to the fullest
With my books waiting to be read
Sleeping late here I come
Books
Tv come here to me
I got plenty of time to waste on so that I wont remind of somebody else
I guess I'm strong to forget about some people
If just life has delete button
I shall use that to delete all unhappiness in life
Goodbye

2011-04-15T00:33:00.002+08:00

Making decision do have pros and cons
When think back somehow regretted leaving my 1st job
Now Mum asked me to study full time
She scared that I will not focus on my studies
Hiaz
Very sad
I cant earned money
Cant spend my money anyhow anymore
Who gonna support me if I dont have a part time job?
I cant keep spending on the government money that they gave it to me
Soon or later the money will be gone
I asked Mum to sponser me but she angry with me
I do know her situation too ok
She dont have enough for herself
If I dont work then who gonna pay my bills and expenses
Argh!!!
This is just crazy
Easy said than to be done uh
Just if I stay in my 1st job
If I just have the patience
If I just..
Argh!!! Too much if and in the end..
No point regretting
The only thing now is to find a better job soon

2011-04-13T20:06:00.005+08:00

I'm breaking free
I'm soaring flying
This is the feeling that I have been waiting for so long( a month only)
Awesome!!!
Finally I resigned!!!
After I sign the resignation form I feel so relieve
I'm so happy!!!
I dont care they wanna call me a quitter or what
I would rather choose that than to be unhappy all my life
Suffering physical and mentally
This is real
This is me
I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be now
Gonna get the light
Shine one me
Now I found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
THIS IS ME
Ouh yea!!!
After this I think I'm gonna concentrate on my studies then
Somehow I feel phobia to find a new job
Once bitten twice shy
Gotta go
Gonna read my book which is waiting for me
Sayonara =]

2011-04-09T19:20:00.002+08:00

It has been a month now working there
Isnt it too late for these people to be kind and help me out after the incident?
Dont think I will take back my words of resigning
If the day has come, I'll surely go
Down with flu
3 days now
Hiaz
Dear flu can you please recover faster
I wanna be strong as before
Why he hasnt reply my email?
Gotta go

2011-04-04T20:49:00.002+08:00

Who is he who want to control my life?
He is just a bloody manager He has no right to interfere my personal life
It's good enough that I do come to work and bloody well do my job rather than not working
For the first time can you jolly well appreciate what your crew have done for the company bastard?
I dont know how you can be the restaurant manager in the first place
Who is the blind person who chose him as the restaurant manager?
Really arrogant bastard
Expect the newbie knows everything
Thanks to him and some of the bastards who drives me into depression and crazy
I guess they are happy now that they can make me cry
It's ok
I shall show you the truth colour of Redha
I'm in dilemma again
Quit?
I'm not a quittter yet!!
Stay?
Even though I'll be suffering and unhappy working there???
Argh!!!
I have no answer to all this
It's just endless in the cross road

2011-04-03T14:34:00.002+08:00

Shedding into tears is somehow good enough to release the stress that has been kept for a long time
I had enough of them
I dont ask for sympathy
It just that they push me to my limit
Today is yet another day
Hmm
Hopefully today will be better day
Look at the bright side uh

2011-04-02T15:28:00.003+08:00

The pain is unbearable now
I cant take it any longer
I guess no one does
I would rather be jobless than continue to work there and suffer my life
Like working in hell
I have made up my mind
I wont take another thoughts
It's time for me to walk away with pride
Not a loser
Proud of myself to come this far
I wont regret
It's job hunting time
You can continue to bully the rest of the newcomers but not me
I had enough.
I'm sure and believe that the retribution will come for what you had done to me
I think I had recieve mine for leaving my previous job since they need manpower badly.
Your retribution will come soon or later
Sayonara

2011-03-30T23:05:00.007+08:00

Turning a year older
No more present( I dont care too)
Where is everyone?
Friends celebrating their birthday by having chalet, party
But me?
I didnt ask much
Just having dinner together as a family will be great
But then..
Just wish that I'm celebrating alone
All by myself
It's just better that way
There's no need to tell the whole world that it's my birthday
As if I'm asking for gift
All I need is that my loved ones to be there for me
But sadly none of them do.
What more can I ask?
As year goes by,one by one forgets my birthday
Everyone is busy with their daily routine
What to do nothing important though
It's just another boring day to pass!!
Goodnight people
Do you have a great day?
I do even though my heart breaks into million pieces
Take care is all I can say before it's too late

2011-03-24T20:49:00.003+08:00

I'm just sick of these kids
They are making my Mum crazy
With the shouting and screaming
Crying and quarelling
Their parents are just good in having children
(Might as well have a baby machine)
But then, they dont know the resposibility of taking care of them
They just chuck THEIR CHILDREN to this house and expect MAID to take care of them
They have gone too much
The pain that Mum gone through
Serve them right as Mum dont even care about them
The moral of the story is respect others if you dont respect yourself

2011-03-22T15:55:00.002+08:00

Second Sem's result is out
Hmm.. no comment about it
GPA no difference as last semester
But alhamdulilah that I passed everything
That's the only thing that I'm hoping for
The rest I dont care and give a damn
The only thing I cared about is to graduate and get the diploma
Last time I used to work hard and get a great result so that I can get to poly
Now I'm in poly and I aim to do well and get out to get a better job
The past should be bury as memories
The future should be the one that I'm after for and keep it alive
Hmm
Well said my brain =]
I feel like I'm flying
Goodbye friend
I shall not be bother

2011-03-19T23:16:00.005+08:00

Just my luck to work with a bunch of irritants today
I dont give a damn if you are senior than me but at least respect other people
I'm maybe kind and can make jokes to you but dont take it as granted as I do have the limit
I'm might be slow but at least I make the effort to do my own job and not busybody on other people's life
Might as well I did eveything by myself
Cleaning and clearing the table
Serve customers
Mind you I'm not their SLAVE and DOG who they can ask me around to do their BLOODY JOB!!!
As long as I can stay and did my job I will stay.
If the time is up for me to leave , I will definitely say sayonara to them
I shall be patience
If you think that you can bring me down, try harder as I will stand firm on the ground =]
Chowz

2011-03-14T16:04:00.002+08:00

Hey peepz
Yesterday went to check specialization class
I didnt expect that I didnt get into the specialization that I want
Hmm..
Sad life uh
Ouh well I guess I need to be grateful though
Even though I didnt get into the class that I want, but at least I get to 2nd year rather than staying back in 1st year.
Or the worse case is to get into the class that I want but end up feeling so stressful as I may not be up to their standard
I guess there is a reason behind all things
I believe who knows with me not in the class that I want, I may do well in this class even though to be apart from my classmate

2011-03-13T14:29:00.002+08:00

Yesterday just pissed off with some of the woman there
They think they're superstar
I know my job
So you dont need to instruct me what to do
I'm not a superwoman who can do this and that at a same time
Cant you see that outside is damn busy?
I didnt ask you to help ( I doubt so you will help)
But then can you just keep your mouth shut and take the initiative to help out instead of instructing people as if I'm your slave and maid
While I was doing my job another woman ask me to do something
I feel like shouting at them
Are they blind or what?
God gave them eyes for what?
God gave them hands and legs for what?
To use and not for show
Reach home quite late
Mum nag at me for reaching home late
As if I like to do that
Chowz

2011-03-11T22:17:00.002+08:00

Today was the awsome day
My cousin and me went to Universal Studio Singapore at Resort World
Even though it is expenisve and I didnt manage to take all the rides ( just 2 "mini rollercoaster" makes my head, heart and soul just leave my body and puke) due to motion sickness but then I had great fun and experience
Taking pictures at the New York
The place there was awsome
Feel as if that I'm at New York
The Broadway
Shophouses
Watch the famous director Steven Spilberg how he did his movie
The thunder, hurricane, wind
It was just amazing
Went to Far Far Away and watch the 4D adventure of Shrek
That was the best too
It was real as if we in the movie
Just wish that i'm strong so that I can take all kinds of rides which will not make me sick
Chowz.. Sleep tight peepz =]

2011-03-09T00:35:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the awsome day!!
BB/BL girls mini outing. Hahah
Meet Mardhiah at Yio Chu Kang and straight we went to MB
Meet my ex colleagues there
Miss that place even though I leave that place for just a week
Feel sad for them
I mean it's not my fault that I left that place
They do have crew and it's not even my problem that they are in this state
Their crews are the one who are selfish and think about themselves
It just not fair for me to continue to stay and hope for miracle to happen each and everytime
Furthermore I want to widen my experience.
I'm also adapting to my new envrionment and it's not an easy task to do too
So stop complaining and begging me to come back and help out
I'm not superwoman
Neither do I running after money
It just so tiring and yet asking me to help them
Soon or later I will die of exhaustion.
So yea
Enjoy my day with them
Crazy bunch of people
Talk about normal stuffs
Attachment days
School days
Miss those times
Chowz

2011-03-02T21:11:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was the bad day ever in my working life
Hiaz
I feel my life is sucks now
I'm so shag like zombie
I want to do nothing but to sleep and rest my body, mind and soul
But I know I gonna pull this through strongly
Patience and determination is jus what I need now
No matter what I wont give up easily
This is the path that I choose
Got to go
Need to chillaz for now

2011-02-28T00:15:00.002+08:00

School holiday is here again.
It has been a struggling in the first year of school and I'm still struggling
Exam are over and I wonder how I did for the exam
I guess it's bad..
Hmm I just worried that I wont get to where I want to be
Regret?
I got to move on
Goodbye everyone
Do take care yea

2011-02-07T00:47:00.003+08:00

The longer I stay in there, the longer I will suffer.
You can call me selfish and think about myself but then you are the one who extend my patience too far
My patience has reached to the limit and I cant take it any longer.
Hiax
I thought I can look forward for a nice break for this Chinese New Year but then.. It just break my heart.
I dont care about the money as it does not bring me happiness anymore
Once upon a time going there makes me happy but since one by one left me, i feel nothing at all
My passion
My commitment
It just gone like that
So you cant force me no matter what
Just let me go so that I dont create more problems
It's your fault that what happens now
It doesnt make any difference whether I stay or leave
Half of my heart wants me to stay a little bit longer but then since what happens
Not once but a few times.
Tell me who can take it
I guess 1 more week for me

2011-02-01T00:18:00.002+08:00

Finally the sun is here to shine my day
Yesterday was a bad day but finally God send me the light that I needed
Firstly I late for lesson
Secondly, I had stomach cramps
And Thirdly, I left my watch that I just bought in the toilet and now it has gone
It just went wrong
After that, God help me through after the hard times
I got back my POA paper and for the first time in this semester that I got such a high grade for that
That was amazing and I thank god for that
It somehow boost my confidence and motivates me to work harder
Exam is around the corner and I will get the engine starting
Jia you redha !!!

2011-01-04T22:28:00.002+08:00

Happy 2011 peeps.
2nd day of school in the new year.
Yesterday was Statistic presenatation
Not bad after all..
But then today just got a dishearten result yet again
It just make my mood gone
I just cant understand what went wrong on my access project .
I did contribute something but in the end this is what I get.
Bias?
Why did I get such a result when I really know how to do compare to other people who cheated their way through?
Isnt that fair enough?
I'm not being jealous or something but just think again...
Argh!!!
Yea I know it just my luck to get such a question.
It is just my luck to get such a result.
Sometimes I just think that there is no point of pushing my limits anymore when it's just another failure yet again.
It's not that I'm giving up(I know I'm not that weak) but then I'm tired of pushing myself when I know that it's just impossible no matter how hard I try.
It's just like trying to push the wall when you know it's just impossible no matter how strong you are.
Each time I keep asking myself is this where I belong?
Am I just plain lucky to be here ?
Am I suppose to be here because of my good results once upon a time?
I cant find the answer and I dont bother to find the answer either.
Maybe just one fine day, God will give me the answer to all my questions.

2010-12-28T13:39:00.002+08:00

Almost everyone in the house is falling sick
Quite worry especially my mum
Yesterday I was scared to death when Mum suddenly to be weak and cant get up
Luckily Brother was at home.If not I dont know what to do
I think her stroke is reocurring back
Haiz looking at her situation makes me wanna cry
Who is gonna look after her when I'm in school?
At least last time there is helper to look after but now nobody
Everyone is busy with work.
With school break left with a few more days to go and the 1st project is due when school reopens
I get a liitle worry here.
Oh gosh!!
Here comes the killer module where I dont know what to research on
One of the team members gives me problems whereby I'm trying to do on my research.
I'm so pressurized and stress when thinking about all these projects and furthermore my Mum is weak again.
God please show me guidance and look after my family.

Taking everything for granted

2010-12-16T01:55:00.003+08:00

It has been a week since "the helper" is gone
Hmm somehow it is good for me
I got my own room back
I can do whatever I want
I got back my privacy
Oh yea!!
Sad for Mum
She need to do the household again
Haiz
Feel so gulity didnt help her
I'm just finding the time to help
I mean I dont even have the time to finish up my tutorials and how am I suppose to help her with the household
This will teach "that woman" a lesson
Now no more "helper" get your butt off and start contributing to the household
Noones will do for you anymore.
Holidays coming in.
Whoo!!!
At least I can take a break and relax my brain for a few days as I need to finish up my projects.
Challenging time again.
I'm sure I can handle this with patience and determination =]

2010-12-07T20:05:00.002+08:00

I dont know why my brain just went blank for the Access question
I knew that I can do that question
Now the only thing that I need to do is buck up in my test
Damn!!! Just spoilt my mood
What the world I'm thinking right now?
I'm easily distracted
Oh gosh please dont let me get distracted and went wild in my own world
Get back to my world and I need to pull myself together to face this
Enough of my world and get back to serious mood now before it's too late Redha
Fight and continue fighting until your limit
I knew I can fight this war with perseverance and determination
Jiayou !!
DONT LET ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN
YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE
FIGHT THIS TILL THE END !!!

2010-12-05T21:52:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow I'm having 2 test at the same time
Both modules I hate most Statistic and POA
I'm used to be good at POA but dont know somehow I drop from the sky to the bottom of the seabed
Hiaz so sian
Last 2 days have been bad for me as I'm down with flu.
Rest most of the times
It has been a while since I took a long rest.
Oh gosh now I dont know what to do
The feeling of "Heck-dont Care" is here to hunt me
Not strong enough to avoid that feeling
How am I suppose to get A with this feeling?
oh gosh!!

Disheartening

2010-12-02T19:19:00.002+08:00

For the first time since I step into higher tertiary level, I fail my module
It's just so dishearten
With classmates keep comparing results
Damn it !!
Keep saying that I know I can be strong to face this but in the end I failed
It's just not my place
I pushing my limits until I cant go any further anymore
Furthermore, now I'm falling sick at this point of time
I cant afford to take MC as next week I'm having test
Oh gosh !!! My body feeling weak
My head is spining
Nose keep blocking
Oh god please help me to overcome all this

2010-12-01T00:34:00.002+08:00

Confused
How am I supposed to hide time and again?
How am I supposed to tell the world?
How long am I supposed to keep this thing from anyone?
How are they going to react if they found out?
Will I be in deep trouble?
Or will they be happy for me?
Regret?
It's just too late now to change everything
I dont want it to end this way
Neither do I want it to be this way
Oh GOD please help me to give some guidance so that I can face this challenge strongly
Scared?
Yea I am really scared for the future as I dont know what it brings
But I know somehow no matter what GOD will be there to show me the answer to all the questions.
For the moment, let me focus on my studies

People changed?

2010-11-29T00:28:00.002+08:00

I'm super pissed off
1stly I was super tired after doing CS all the way and somehow help out in controller
They dont even help me.
They know to complain only
2ndly the customers cant have the patience
Like hello I have 2 hands and 2 legs
Not as if I'm like a robot that can do everything at once
Ahyo these people also have
They took me for granted
I just wonder how will they survive without me
I know they can survive because I'm nobody to them
This feeling urging for me to quit is very strong
I shall stay on and be strong
One day
Sooner or later the time will come
At that point of time, I will say to myself I had enough of this

Time Management?

2010-11-25T23:11:00.005+08:00

I just wonder what are my classmates doing when they have free time
I mean I'm trying my best to finish up everything and make sure it is all done
I need to juggle lots of things and dont even have time for my own
There they are complaining that they are tired and dont have enough time to complete assignment.
How about me?
Rushing for time as if the time can explode me anytime
Hiaz
Maybe they are the ones who need time management more than I do
Hmm..
Next 2 weeks is crucial for me to 'continue to be alive' as there are lots of ICA coming and I seriously need to be prepared and score this one.
This is the only opportunity left so that I can get a better chance to get into the desire options route that i will be choosing at the end of the year.
Pretty worry about that day to come
God please make my journey a smooth one

2010-11-25T01:14:00.002+08:00

I dont know why I could not stand my classmates any time longer.
They have become from bad to worse
They have their own clique and dont care other people
I feel that we have drifted far apart somehow
I dont know why they become like that
As if I'm stranger
Yea i know I'm nobody
Maybe they just regard me as an aunty that nags and have attitude problem each time come to class but at least I do not disturb other people and making trouble
Am I a threat to them?
Hmm.. Whatever happens I shall persevere
Ateh how are you there ?
Gege do you still remember me?
Haiz one step at a time redha

2010-11-22T20:33:00.002+08:00

I wish that I can be strong
I fail
I try to handle and balance my time
I fail
What else should I do so that I can do everything
I believe I can
I know I'm not superhuman
I know I can overcome this
I have come this far
Ouh gosh tired is overcoming my body
I dont like this feeling
I can fall asleep anytime and end up miss my stop
It has been 2 times this week
Dont know how long I can survive in this situtation
Maybe I need to give up something?
I hate to give up something that I like to do
But if it forces me to do so maybe it will be a good decision in the end uh.

2010-11-20T01:24:00.003+08:00

If you dont like me, just say it straight to my face
You dont need to create a huge havoc and told the whole world who am I
They have their own eyes to obeserve what is happening
Anyway none of them understand what i went through in my mind
You just make people misunderstand me
Now I'm known as Emotional Girl
Ouh whatever people
Thanks anyway!!!
Each time going to MB, people will ask whether my flower is open or close
I was like what the hell!!
Like hello I dont give a damn anymore !!
You think that I'm super dumb and dont know what's going on
You may think that I look like I'm innocent or slow but I do know more than you ok
So just shut your bloody mouth..
Trying to test my patience right each one of them
Fine it just waiting for the right time to left
By the time maybe you will regret not having and cherish me
It'ok..
Just wish that Ateh was here
Confirm if Ateh was here, she will not let other people bully me
If so she will talk and ask what happened to me
I dont need their sympathy
I just need them to understand that something happen for a reason
Being quiet and didnt talk doesnt mean that I'm 'emoing'
I just need to be alone
Anyway it's ok people you can talk and gossip behind my back
At the end of the day, you will be the one who is at a losing end.. =]

Selamat Hari Raya Haji

2010-11-17T13:08:00.002+08:00

Hey people mostly to the Muslim out there.
I just wanna wish Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha..
Oh yeah!!
Finally got this day to really sit and spend my time doing and finishing up all my tutorials and projects which will be due really soon.
As usual my family didnt go out today. It is different from Hari Raya Aidilfitri where we spent the whole day visting our relatives.
Hmm..
Somehow I feel so lazy to finish up my tutorial and project but then if I dont finish up now, there will be no time for me left.
I feel like sleeping all the way and enjoy my day but too bad there too much of work that I need to do.
I shall persevere and stop procrastinate any longer
All the way Redha !!!

2010-11-06T11:30:00.002+08:00

Projects outline for most of the module is out
Haix headache
Now I have problem with the Microsoft Office.
Tutorial and more tutorial..
MB cant stop disturbing me
I had enough stress and here they are demand me to come again and again
It's not about money
It's about studies
It's about time
I dont have enough time to do my tutorial and project have not start doing
Redha will be strong to face this

2010-10-26T20:37:00.002+08:00

Sometime I just wish that I can shout out loud
How much pressure I'm facing in..
I'm just tired of EVERYTHING
Where MB facing lack of people and somehow wants to get rid of people
in the end I need to come almost everyday?
Why cant they just understand that?
I do have my own life and now it just gone
Dont even have my own time for me to rest..
My days are just pack with things.
My time are very precious..
Time is ticking and I can feel that it can explode any moment now
Chow need to do tutorial now

2010-10-21T01:14:00.002+08:00

Ateh take care of yourself there
I will miss you
Ateh went back to hometown and probably wont be back to Singapore ever again
Hiax just wish that I can follow her there..
Yea as if...
Today has been the 4th day in school
So far still can survive
Yea I hate this new semester.
Much more stricter .
Cant use handphone..
Must do tutorial.
Ask question one by one to ensure that we understand the tutorial.
I just hate that and going to school has make me soo phobia
Can I not go to school ????

2010-10-16T11:05:00.002+08:00

1 more day to school reopen
Not motivated to go to school
Just wish this thing didnt happen
Oh well everthing had happened
Regret knowing him? Hmm somehow he has keep me accompany when gege left but yet again.. getting hurt is the worst thing
It's ok
Life has to move on without someone in life
There are reason behind everything that happens
So yesterday was the past
Today is the present
Tomorrow will be the future
Look at the bright side and who knows everything will be ok by then
Oh god please help me to be a better person.
Yesterday a friend drop me a message and asking about my life
So touched of what she said
"I know you are strong girl. If you can pull through why not now"
She have woke me up from my fall.
Thanks girl
I will be the old redha that you know..

2010-10-11T00:47:00.002+08:00

Yesterday marks 1 week gege left
Just 1 week as though he has left for months
So peace my life without his hello everytime we meet
Miss those times..
Tired with MB
Feel like leaving..
Check new timetable for the semester
Haix.. Dont feel like going to school now
Feel so scared..

2010-10-03T23:25:00.002+08:00

Today was the last day for gege
Haiz it just so sad
Learning to let go someone is just so hard
Luckily I didnt cry like what happen to ateh when she left
All the best yea gege
Jiayou !!!
Bro J asked me about life
People just dont understand where I come from
From the face that you see you cant really know what is hidden behind that face
I dont ask for sympathy
Anyway thanks bro for the advice
Dont worry I wont let all this small things bring me down
I shall be strong.. Insyaallah

2010-10-01T00:06:00.002+08:00

It just hurt knowing someone is taken
Why should I felt this way?
Can you just go away from my life?
Just leave me alone
I need to stop all this stupid wild feelings that I'm not supposed to have
It's just wanna distract me from my studies
Oh god please help me pull this through
Goodbye gege
Do keep contact yea

2010-09-28T12:07:00.002+08:00

There goes my result for the 1st semester..
Haix 1st thing I'm grateful to god that I did not need to take supp paper. Phew!!! but then my GPA is super low and I just cant believe it. ( Hey think back redha you pass what so be grateful)
I intend to compare with my previous result. ( Stop thinking about the past redha.)
I know i will do better next time.
Thanks to Bro Z for his advice. It wont changed anything if I continue to be sad and have all the negative thinking. I miss him badly.
Just wish that he was here with me
It's ok..I know I have done my best
Double sadness for this week
Ouh gosh !!
Gege is leaving in 2 more days and after seeing this result I cant be bother anymore. My mood is just gone

2010-09-25T14:23:00.002+08:00

I'm so freaking angry
Is my face money face?
People keep asking me money
Like hello I also in need of money
Ask me to learn driving license but then noone helping me to save up
Expect the money to come from where?
The sky?
Argh forget about it..
The week is coming to a end
Hope miracle happens and let gege stay
Please dont go.. =[

2010-09-16T00:28:00.002+08:00

I just dont understand why Mum always finding fault with me yesterday
She say I keep thinking about myself
Wanna say that I'm selfish
Who is the one selfish? Keep thinking about myself?
THEY ARE THE ONE!!!
THEY ARE THE ONE WHO DESTROY MY FUTURE
THEY ARE THE ONE WHO MAKE ME IN THIS STATE
THEY ARE THE ONE WHO TAKE AWAY MY PRIVACY
DO YOU THINK THAT I WANNA HAVE A "STRANGER"
YOU DONT UNDERSTAND AND WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL TO HAVE A STRANGER LIVING WITH US
I JUST WANNA HAVE OUR OWN FAMILY BACK
JUST THE 3 OF US
AND SHE GOT THE GUTS TO SAY THAT I'M SELFISH
She dont remember how that woman almost destroy my future
WHO AM I ?
WHAT MORE THEY WANT IN MY LIFE
I HAVE DONE MY BEST AND THIS IS WHAT THEY DID TO ME
THANKS VERY MUCH
Just spoil my mood
Damn it
These are the people who dont deserve to be kind
Look what they did to me
It's ok
Living in this world is just for a moment
I have to be strong
Hearing that gege will be leaving in 14 days time make me more sad
Who will replace gege?
One by one people that I love and care gone from my life
=[

2010-09-13T20:32:00.002+08:00

Feeling so sad
It has been awhile since we meet each other and I'm trying to plan an outing raya with my friends but in the end everyone cant make it
Dont know whether should I continue or just cancel it since everyone is busy with their own things
Haix planning an event is not a easy job uh
Small event think until I'm so stress up
Thinking of that reminds me of what I learn to become a good leader
Compromise so that I can get a win, win situation
Fuhyoh i remember that man!!! Hahaha
Anyway let Him decide
Miss Ateh and Gege

2nd day of raya

2010-09-11T22:25:00.001+08:00

2nd day of raya not that happening
Just went to uncle and aunty house beside my mum side with my sis
My mum stayed home as some of my uncle and aunty come and visit mum
quite boring
Tiring
tomorrow will be another tiring day

Selamat Hari Raya

2010-09-10T12:59:00.002+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya my friends
Today is the day for the Muslims to celebrate Hari Raya after one month fasting
Hari Raya this year is the same as last year but then more sad as there I have no more grandparents to visit left
Just waited for my sister to come and visit us
After this will be holiday
Yesh ar this is the moment man that I waited for
But then scared for the result..
Haix but whatever it is I will cherish every moment and minute that I have

2010-09-08T00:05:00.002+08:00

Today will be the last paper that i need to go through.
Accounts paper.
Yesterday paper was manageable
Quite happy with my performance
Much more better than the other two papers
Hopefully later paper will be manageable
Please help me god to went through this with patience
After that wala holiday
Yesh ar!!!
Looking forward for that.
But first let me focus on my paper..
Goodnite people

2010-09-02T17:47:00.002+08:00

2 papers are down
I cant explain what went through in my mind
Haix whatever it is it's just gone
Hope for the best
We have been friends for 2 years
We went through so much things together
They are both close to each other once upon a time
Just of little misunderstanding, they hate each other
Why must it end this way?
It just so sad to see them like that
But what can I do as a friend?
Pray so that one day they can accept each other again

2010-08-24T12:59:00.002+08:00

This few days I have been thinking about my life
What I have went through
The people that have come and go in my life
I'm so grateful to God that HE give me these chances to meet this great guys even though it's for the moment
Finally I found Mr E in facebook. He was awsome!!! His life must be great and wonderful. Entertain people
I just wish that I can be like him
Not to entertain but to change to old me instead
Feel damn lazy to study
I'm trying to study like the way I used to study last time but I cant
Studying break now but I'm in no mood to study
Argh!!! seriously maybe it has been long time for me to study and keep studying
Some of my brain cell had died I think
Not function well

AWSOME

2010-08-12T15:29:00.002+08:00

This week has been awsome even though tiring
Did not regret joining for this Samsung motivator for the Journey of the Youth Olympic Flame even though need to wake up super early to go for school
I had lots of fun!!
Most importantly I make new friends
Tomorrow will be the last day for the event
I'm sure i will miss those times especially yesterday got drenched due to heavy rain.
The party bus was fun with the DJ on the great songs to boost us up
Not to forget the handsome MC who has been makes thing possible and motivate us. You are awsome man!!!
Meet you again
Somewhere
Someday

Finally it was here!!

2010-08-07T23:53:00.002+08:00

Today event was AWSOME!!!
Even though this morning raining during the motivators but then we are so high!!!
We cheer them on !!!
I didnt regret taking today off as I really enjoyed myself to the maximum
It has been a long time since I take a day off
I was so proud to be there and it's once in a life time opportunity
It doesnt matter if I lost MB
But this experience I wont get
Anywhere
Anymore
The performance was POWER
After this I'm sure I will miss the whole event and the busyness
Tomrrow until Friday still have the Samsung Motivator
Need to start my revision soon
After this the only thing that will make me busy is to mug and mug all the day long
Yeah that's the spirit man!!!
Got to go. Again later morning need to wake up early and went for a 'war'
Saynora
Sweet dreams everyone ^_^

Do i changed?

2010-08-07T00:47:00.003+08:00

I can feel that I'm changing.
I dont know whether is it good or bad
People just make me change maybe to a better person.
I feel that I'm now much more stronger
Talk back to people
Dont feel like going to MB
That place has changed me so much
That place has make me into a bad girl
That place has taught me about the true sacrifice
That place also has taught me about life
And because of that place I give up all my passion
But what do I get in return
NOTHING!!!!
The only thing is frustration and tired
Just wish ateh was here with me
Just wish that ateh understand what i went through
Miss chatting with her
Miss her calling me Red
Hahaha. That's the memories and it will be just a memory
Sometime I feel like giving up MB
Happy, sad and frustration all I went through
Today will be tiring day for me
Going for YOG performance
Sooo excited for this event
Got to go
Later need to wake up in 4 1/2 hours time

Last test for the semester

2010-08-05T15:51:00.003+08:00

Today was the last test for the semester
You know what?
I just pass the web test while the rest of my classmates got higher than me
Ok why I comparing myself with them?
Argh!!
Why do they even want to know my results? Being a busybody?
I'm happy with what I get and why are they busybody want to know about my result for ?
So that you all can laugh at my dumbness?
Yeah I know I'm dumb.It's ok
I'm just an ordinary human being
Who cares how much I get?
It didnt matter to all of you
It's my grade
It's my life
It doesnt bring me to anywhere even though I'm a top student
So what?
The only thing I know is that I do my best and I'm happy with my life
I had enough of burden on my shoulders
I had enough of people demand me for more when I know I cant myself
I'm just tired
Emotionally and physically
Can you help me by not adding more burden to my shoulders?

2010-08-03T22:55:00.002+08:00

I'm alone at the crossroads once again
Argh!!
A hard decision I need to make without hurting anyone again
It's hard to juggle with all the events
With MB demand me for more things to be done
With YOG coming up really soon
With exam coming around the corner
When do I have the time for myself?
When do I start my revision?
It's just sooo frustrating sometime
Tiring
But this is what I choose
I just wanna challange myself but then maybe I'm not there yet to face all the challenges
I know I can do this with the
Right mindset
Determination
Time management
Patience
With all this I might be a better person so that I can face anything in the future

Why is the difference?

2010-08-02T21:32:00.001+08:00

It has been 2 months now in school. 1 more month to exam.
super not prepared and not yet fully adapting to the new environment
Suddenly I think about the diffrence that me and my friends had
Last time we used to come from different secondary school and we meet in the same course and class.(BB/ BL) We bond as a family. Is it age factor that make us different?
But then now when i move on to a greater height (BC) everything is sooo different
Now 'friends' are think more about themselves rather than think about other people
For example 'friends' did not wait for everyone to have their food on the table before they start eating. It was a shocked to me.
They are just getting on my nerves
'F2' keep staring at me. Cant stand it any longer
Now it feels that we are drifting far apart
Talking about drifting far apart, I'm sad that Bro J is leaving me soon in 28 more days. Haix
One by one people leaving me
If ateh was here
If ateh know how lonely am I and how I miss talking to her
If gege is much more caring and concern about me
Argh nobody understand the feeling

2010-07-29T00:45:00.002+08:00

The day has come. 2 more presentation and i'm done.
Feeling scared but then i will shoot it off!!!
It has been smooth journey this week. hopefully it will continue this way
few more days for gege to come back
But then..It doesnt matter to me anymore
It just useless
Got back account test paper back
Okies dissapointed even though i pass
Yea.. not that good but than i'm grateful that i pass rather than my friend who fail..
she seems to be disheartened
Breakdown again
Why must people leave again?
Last time it was ateh
Now it's either me or other people leave
part and parcel of life huh ..
Must be brave to face all this
sooner or later i must face it